The storm is fierce

Caution: This post is extremely raw in hopes that I can reach at least one soul who is struggling as well.

Growing up, I was always extremely scared, yet fascinated, with storms. Sometimes when I would hear thunder, it would make me shake in fear. Other times, I would hear the loud thunder and be comforted. How can something be so calming at times, yet so fear-striking at other times? This is how I often feel about life.

Life can be very beautiful and very terrible at times. If I am honest, I often pretended life was beautiful in my eyes, when really, I did not prefer to see another day. (I warned you, this post is t r u l y raw) In high school, I would pray every morning before school that God would allow me to encourage at least one person. Just one to focus on every day, that way, I would not be too consumed with the pains I was facing. Sometimes, all I could do was tell someone I liked their shirt or their handwriting. Other days, I could tell someone that they are an inspiration, a leader, or even a beautiful soul. The compliments that were more than skin deep often came when I was having a better day. The compliments that were more "light" often came when I had to force myself out my bed in the mornings. I do not mean that I was tired or lazy, I mean I was weary and depressed. Yikes. That is something you did not hear much in my friend group, church services, or even school hallways. Why? Because often times, we do not want to talk about the times the thunder scared us. We only want to talk about the times it comforted us or taught us to dance in the rain. Dear readers, please see where this is heading. We do not present ourselves as fearful, anxious, depressed, weak, or broken. I mean, have you gone on social media? Everyone wants to put their best self for the world to see. We hide the brokenness we feel. We fear that no one cares or perhaps that no one else feels this way. I believed this lie for a long time. The devil loved that I thought I was alone, that no one cared, that no one struggled, etc. I struggled on my own for a very long time, and it left me so drained in every aspect of the word. I was in such fear of life itself that I was tempted to give up and give in. Precious reader, this is Satan's great tactic. He uses our fears against us, isolates us, and then hopes to keep us there. Thankfully, however, my God does not want us to live this way. He never aimed to isolate anyone, no matter who came to Him.

My Jesus is light and warmth, despite the utter darkness and cold that tends to creep into our lives. 2 Corinthians 4:6 states, " For God, who said, 'Let light shine our of darkness,' has shown our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ." My oh my, I am so thankful that Jesus came to bring light to this dark world which is now in the lives of believers; but it is not always easy to keep on keeping on. Being a Christ follower does not mean smooth sailing in storms. In fact, Paul was a living example that it can be quite the contrary. Paul often found himself down or depressed, but each time he looked to Christ, he was reminded of His goodness and light. Life can be scary, but it can also be rather beautiful. You see, sometimes, the most beautiful people and souls are the ones who have been broken. Being broken can often make you more sensitive to the needs of others. I am broken, but so is everyone in a way. People do not need self-righteous or hypocritical people. They need real, genuine, caring, loving, and encouraging people.

The Lord knows I have failed so many times, but that is truly my goal in life. I hope that I find the courage to speak about the dark parts of life to be used as a light, since Christ is doing a great work in me. We are all works in progress as Christ followers, and that is okay. I told you, this is far more transparent than I often am, but I think it is so necessary to remind others that it is okay to be broken. Christ called "all ye who labor or are heavy burdened" so that He can give you rest.